“Good morning New York. I’m sorry to bother you. I’m not hungry. I do not want food or money, I just need a little support. I got dumped last week and I’m trying to give her space but I can’t do nothing. If you have any words of advice for me, a quote that resonates with you or a story about second chances, please raise your hand and I’ll come to you. I have sharpie markers and I’ll stay as long as it takes.”
HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO FUCKING CUTE
Please tell me I’m not the only person who has seen this and felt immediately uncomfortable?
I’m all for people following their hearts or whatever, but if she broke up with you (and this sort of goes for anyone, ever), there’s a reason and toting a sign around isn’t sweet, it’s pressure and sort of rude. In theory, it’s totally adorable, but in reality, it’s creepy.
No, you weren’t the only one. This is actually super NOT cute. What this guy is saying is, “I’m not accepting your ‘No,’ and so I’m going to wear a picture with your face on it on a highly populated subway, because I don’t care about respecting your feelings, your safety, nor your right to tell me ‘No.’”
This is Nice Guy culture at work. He’s such a Nice Guy, he just wants the Love of his Life back, and is willing to go to such great lengths to do it. The fact that she broke up with him is irrelevant to him and the people he asks for support from.
This is what the movies tell us guys should do to ‘win the girl’, never mind that it treats women as property to be obtained and ignores her personal agency. If he can’t get to her on his own, he involves other people. He tells his side of things, that he just can’t understand why she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and once the audience is sympathetic, he engages her again.
This time, if she says no, she’s the villain. Her right to say, “No, I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore” is less important than his happiness. And she will be villified for turning him down. People will call her a bitch, and probably a slut (because a girl who isn’t after True Love, as this guy surely is, must be a slut). She’s the antagonist for not being happy with their relationship.
I’m not just uncomfortable with what this guy is doing, I’m downright scared. Guys have used this tactic, playing on our sense of romance, to get past security measures and hurt the women who leave them- in one case, a young man tells the security guard at the dorm his ‘girlfriend’ is staying in that he wants to leave some flowers for her, and doesn’t want her to be paged— he wants it to be a surprise. And he turned out to be an abusive ex she was trying to get away with.
Or they use this sense of romance to propose in front of huge crowds, where the girl is pressured to accept or, again, be the villain for turning him down, either way facing HUGE humiliation.
This entitlement to a relationship that a woman has already expressed she doesn’t want is part of an alarming culture dynamic where no matter what, a woman’s right to say ‘no’ is circumvented by involving other people to pressure her into saying ‘yes’. His campaign here seems innocuous until examined in the light that women aren’t allowed to say no (and get off without being cast as The Bad Guy).
(and because inevitably it’ll crop up; yes, there are women who disrespect boundaries and pull the same manipulative bullshit, but the wider culture generally treats them as “psychos” instead of giving them sympathy, as they do guys like this.)
I’ve reblogged comments on this before but I think this one needs to be reblogged as well.
Yeah sorry, not cute at all. My ex boyfriend has still not accepted my ‘no’ from a year ago and, despite literally monthly talks that require me reminding him that we are not together and never will be again, he has no respect at all for my opinion on the matter and continues to try. I have to reject hugs and kisses from him every other week. He lives with me and I would love to kick him out, but he has nowhere to go, and I do not want to completely fuck his life over. This does not mean he has the right to assume we are together, not when I am loudly, vocally, and constantly refusing to take him back.
When I told him we were done (what was actually the 4th time I broke up with him—the time I finally got him to understand that I meant it—after giving him about 7 ‘second chances’) he laughed and told me, ‘oh Katie, you’ll change your mind’. He had no respect for my opinion on the matter, just like this guy is not respecting his ex’s choice.
This shit isn’t cute. She doesn’t want to be with you. If she even has an inkling of wanting to be with you, now or in the future, it is HER CHOICE to come to YOU about it. DO NOT BADGER A GIRL IN TRYING TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH YOU. YOU ARE PRESSURING HER WITH YOUR ‘NICE GUY’ ACT AND IT IS SHITTY BEHAVIOR. IF SHE WANTS YOU SHE WILL COME TO YOU. Don’t use social pressure to try to get her back; this is coercion, this is intimidating, this is so bad.
Get over it and get over yourself and move on. And guys? Please do not perpetuate this shit. It is not cool.
I dunno, nothing in that message suggest this is a romantic gesture to win her back. It MIGHT be, but what he’s SAYING is: I need some sympathy.
(in reality, I think all he is is a little attention whore, but if I saw him I’d write down on his sign “Love is not always meant to be”)